Today marks 11 months since the passing of my brother, Davey, and two nephews, Dominic and Grant. It is hard to believe that after next month it will be an entire year since they have been gone. It does not feel nearly like a year. More like a few months. Maybe it's because the pain is still very much there. I smile everyday, but there is pain and sadness behind my smile. The pain is so fresh in my heart that it never really went away. I've been so down at times this year that I wonder how I dug myself out of the hole. I am not liking winter. It upsets me to feel so cold knowing that they were so cold and alone.
This next month is sure to be the hardest. We celebrate my brother's birthday, Christmas, Dominic's birthday, and the one year. I surely hope God is with me and that my family and friends can help get me through this because it will be a tough one.
I try not to speak of these events too much on here because I don't want to get other people down and I don't want to get myself down either, but this has been dwelling on my heart for some time. This blog is my creative outlet where I am thankful to have a place to document my life moments and creative ideas. I didn't even know if I would continue to blog after those events. But, I felt a push. A push from my Angels in Heaven, and I felt so much support from my blog friends during those following months who didn't want to see me go either. I am glad I did stay. Blogging has been a big part of the healing process and being able to share these thoughts and getting feedback from friends who can relate is very healing. I am thankful for each of you who have been there for me.
There are times when I don't want to get out of bed or start the day. I am sad, and tired from being sad, and in a daze because I just don't feel like what happened is real. Then, I see Scarlett's face and notice how much she is studying me or how she reaches to my face to touch my lips/eyes/mouth. She is my reason I am happy. She is the biggest blessing in my life. When I found out I was pregnant I was scared/nervous/and in shock. Little did I know how much she would impact my life. She's held me together and gives me a reason to smile and to be happy. Without her I don't know what I'd do. I thank God everyday for giving me this little surprise and greatest blessing. As sad as I am at times, I always snap myself out of it and remember not to put off my happiness because a little girl named Scarlett depends on it.
Thank you for listening. If you made it this far, thank you. My family and I ask for your prayers during this time. It will not be an easy month and we surely could use the extra love and prayers during this trying time.
Much Love. And sorry for being so sappy on this Friday.