The 13th

Friday, December 13, 2013


Today marks 11 months since the passing of my brother, Davey, and two nephews, Dominic and Grant. It is hard to believe that after next month it will be an entire year since they have been gone. It does not feel nearly like a year. More like a few months. Maybe it's because the pain is still very much there. I smile everyday, but there is pain and sadness behind my smile. The pain is so fresh in my heart that it never really went away. I've been so down at times this year that I wonder how I dug myself out of the hole. I am not liking winter. It upsets me to feel so cold knowing that they were so cold and alone.

This next month is sure to be the hardest. We celebrate my brother's birthday, Christmas, Dominic's birthday, and the one year. I surely hope God is with me and that my family and friends can help get me through this because it will be a tough one. 

I try not to speak of these events too much on here because I don't want to get other people down and I don't want to get myself down either, but this has been dwelling on my heart for some time. This blog is my creative outlet where I am thankful to have a place to document my life moments and creative ideas. I didn't even know if I would continue to blog after those events. But, I felt a push. A push from my Angels in Heaven, and I felt so much support from my blog friends during those following months who didn't want to see me go either. I am glad I did stay. Blogging has been a big part of the healing process and being able to share these thoughts and getting feedback from friends who can relate is very healing. I am thankful for each of you who have been there for me. 

There are times when I don't want to get out of bed or start the day. I am sad, and tired from being sad, and in a daze because I just don't feel like what happened is real. Then, I see Scarlett's face and notice how much she is studying me or how she reaches to my face to touch my lips/eyes/mouth. She is my reason I am happy. She is the biggest blessing in my life. When I found out I was pregnant I was scared/nervous/and in shock. Little did I know how much she would impact my life. She's held me together and gives me a reason to smile and to be happy. Without her I don't know what I'd do. I thank God everyday for giving me this little surprise and greatest blessing. As sad as I am at times, I always snap myself out of it and remember not to put off my happiness because a little girl named Scarlett depends on it. 

Thank you for listening. If you made it this far, thank you. My family and I ask for your prayers during this time. It will not be an easy month and we surely could use the extra love and prayers during this trying time. 

Much Love. And sorry for being so sappy on this Friday. 

21 comments:

  1. Truly can't comprehend what you have gone through this past year. I will be praying through the next couple of weeks as you learn how to make it through the holidays. I know the Lord is near!!

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  2. Oh girl, I am so sorry! You are stronger than you think!

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  3. dont ever apologize for sharing your heart sweet friend - it is a beautiful heart, even when it is heavy with sadness. please know i haven't forgotten your brother or nephews passing and havent stopped praying, nor will i stop. they are in such a better place than us, even though it still feels so lonely. i love you and i am here for you! will be sending so many prayers your way this holiday season.

    and ps - you are so right! scarlett is such a beautiful reason to smile! LOVE YOU

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  4. hugs to you! i will keep you and your family in my prayers.

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  6. I am so sorry Brittany. You are so strong and Scarlett is so blessed to have such a wonderful, strong mother. I wish there were words I could say to take away the pain. Know I admire you and your strength.

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  7. Friend I had no idea.... I will be praying for peace for you and your family as the anniversary approaches. I heard on Ellen yesterday that when you go through tragic events, the holes in your heart let the sunshine in. Also...we were planning on naming Ford Dominic because it is also a family name on Jon's side and since we obviously didn't, we want to name our 2nd son that...

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  8. I'm thinking of you and your family during this tough time.

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  9. You are so loved by so many people, Britt! I am praying for you during this time. And, I for one am SO glad that you kept blogging. xo

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  10. I know how hard those first holidays are when you are missing family members. My brother died of cancer 4 novembers ago and then my dad died the next october and although the pain never goes away, it definitely gets easier. Especially when you remember all the good times and even some of the bad times make you laugh. Praying for strength and comfort for you and your family during this holiday season!

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  11. So many prayers for you and your family right now. Scarlett is so lucky to have you as a mom!!!

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  12. I cannot imagine going through such a traumatic event...I don't think something like that will ever stop affecting you. I just lost my grandfather to cancer, and that was so affecting to me...I caanot fathom losing your family members so suddenly and so young. You are such a good mommy to Scarlett, and I am so glad that you have that sweet little one to help you through. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with your family!

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  13. Sweet friend, I remember when you first posted about your brother and nephews and how shocked I was. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I bet they sure are proud of you and the way you have chosen to handle all of this sadness. Scarlett has such a strong mommy and role model to look up to. I'll most definitely be covering you and your family in prayer over this next month especially that through all of the birthdays, holidays, and year mark that He gives you a peace that only He can. Hugs sweet friend. Looking forward to doing lunch one day very soon.

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  14. Prayers for you my sweet friend xx <3

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  15. You don't ever have to apologize for sharing your feelings, especially in this case. It must be so hard for you. I can't even imagine, but I can pray for you and for your family (and I am, and I will). My thoughts are with you this season.

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  16. My heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. So happy you have your beautiful baby girl to be a positive light!

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  17. I had no idea that you lost your brother and nephews. I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.

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  18. Praying for you tonight & this Christmas.

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  19. Awww Britt, I was just thinking about you and your brother the other day (when I got your gorgeous Christmas card). Your honesty on this blog is always refreshing. Life is not all roses and sunshine and I certainly don't want to read that crap all day. Thinking of you friend. Xo

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  20. Praying for your family during this time! It is hard to believe that it has been almost a year already.

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